Is it supposed to be this way?

salaam

O Allah, why is it so hard for me to rid some of my bad habits? O Allah, why is it so hard to mend things? O Allah, am I supposed to be keeping this attitude? O Allah, to what extent am I allowed to be like this? O Allah, am I even doing the right thing? Am I feeling what I should be feeling? Am I allowed to think of things this way? Is this right? Is this wrong? Is this me? Is this who I'm supposed to be?

O Allah, where should I start? What to prioritize? What is a balance? What is allowed to ask?

At times, you really don't know what to do anymore. You just don't know what and which and why and who and how and urgh you just don't knowwwww what is it anymore that you don't know. You just... Come to the fact that... You're human and prolly you need a lil bit of this and that and this and that.

And then, poof.

All of a sudden, everything just went blank. You don't even know what to question, moreover to start question what is it that you should ask so that you'll know. Okay, am I even making sense? No I'm not? I just don't know anymore.


From confident, to shaky, to confused, to blank. No person would need Allah more than this person. And that person is me. O Allah, You stripped off ALL my strength so I don't have anything to be proud of, besides having You.

That is just too sweet. In a bitter and melancholic way.