marry me, or nothing.

Sorry if the title scares you. Haha. I knew I'd have to write on this sooner or later. But I promise I won't be aggressive :p

I've been thrown with situations that made me question my belief. My principles. My faith. My religion. Jodoh dan maut di tangan Tuhan. What's meant to be will always find its way. And unto this hold on to. There were times... times I was tested. And many times, I have failed miserably. How miserably... I need not shame myself any further.

After all, my relationship with Allah isn't anywhere close to perfection. So, might as well just focus in obtaining His pleasure. Life's all about trying to get His pleasure. Because we believe in the Hereafter, where only the ones He wishes good upon will be given the ticket to Heaven. So, while I still can, I should try to obtain that ticket than to WASTE my time trying to figure who I'll end up with by testing out a number of boys. If he's the man, then he's the man. And I'll figure that man out after I marry him. If He lets it be, than it is He who will take care of it, as always. As the saying goes, if He puts you in it, He'll pull you through it :))

How would my (future) husband react if I were to say "I have chosen you above other boys I've dated"? That means, I've sweet-talked with other boys like I will to you. I've done every other romantic things I've did with other boys that I am willing to do with you. "What you just did have been done by one of the boys/ every other boys I've dated". So basically, what I'm tryna say is that for the sake of keeping everything special in me for my husband, I should keep away from unnecessary relationships.

Women, are like a treasure. You won't want to show you treasure around, you keep it to yourself for fear of thief. You know you have it with you, kept safely within your chest. A women isn't for show. A woman's worth is more than just like dolls to flash. They're pearls, kept inside its shell. Men have to search into the deep ocean to find it.

I hope the above explains a little of my principles. You might find a old friend of mine, telling you how much I have contradicted the above statements. How questionable my principles are. But God's love is for those who repent, those who goes back to Him, asking for forgiveness. Without mistakes, I won't know what's right. Without a loss, I won't know what's worth it. However I should not hold on to this excuse as a reason for me to misinterpret Islam. Its just that, because I've once lost this value, I find it even more valuable than how I took it before. I value this woman's worth even more.

So boy, I'm sorry I'd have to say alotta "No, I can't".

ps: I'm sorry I didn't explicitly explain everything, but I still hope you get the gist. I'm in a position where its inappropriate to discuss this further. Sensitive issue ;)